Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Being a "Special" Mom

I've decided to keep an art journal.  That's where all the "stuff" that I don't want to include in my regular scrapbooks will be kept.  You know, the raw emotions and feelings that I don't necessarily care to share with everyone.  My first page is about being the mother of a special needs child:  our son, David.  This is what the journaling says:

What is it like to be the mother of a special needs child?  Well, for one thing, it's never boring.  It's unpredictable, to say the least.

When I wake up in the morning, I really don't know what to expect.  Will he have a tantrum today?  Or will it be a total meltdown?  Will he throw something, break something, scream and curse at me?  Will I get to the point where I just want to run away and never come back?

This might make me sound like a terrible mother, but there are days when I just don't want to be a Mom.  I just want to be Jeanette.  I want to do what I want to do, go where I want to go, be what I want to be.  Does that really make me a bad mother?  I don't know, but it's the best I can do some days.  Besides, I'm still here, right?  I can't be that bad.

There are other days, though.  Days when he remembers things that I had long forgotten, times we've spent together that were true happiness.  Or he tells a joke that has me shaking and crying with laughter instead of anger.  There are days when a simple "I love you, Mom" is all I need to make my day.

So, I'll tell you what it's like to be the mother of a special needs child.  It's like being on a roller coaster ride.  Sometimes you're speeding uphill, sometimes you're speeding downhill, and sometimes you're coasting along on level tracks.

I hope you decide to give art journaling a try.  It's very freeing and quite therapeutic.  And let's not forget how much fun it is to play with art supplies.


Joan B said...

great post

Scrapjanny said...

Thanks, Joan.

Winnie said...

Hi! Enjoyed reading your post. it was written from your heart. You are both lucky to have each other. I haven't tried journalling yet, I got the journal, but never seem to sit down to work on it. Thanks for inspiring me as always.

Scrapjanny said...

Thanks, Winnie. You're very sweet, as always. I'd love to see your journal when you do it. You always do such beautiful work, I'm sure it will be wonderful.