Being a "Special" Mom

I've decided to keep an art journal.  That's where all the "stuff" that I don't want to include in my regular scrapbooks will be kept.  You know, the raw emotions and feelings that I don't necessarily care to share with everyone.  My first page is about being the mother of a special needs child:  our son, David.  This is what the journaling says:

What is it like to be the mother of a special needs child?  Well, for one thing, it's never boring.  It's unpredictable, to say the least.

When I wake up in the morning, I really don't know what to expect.  Will he have a tantrum today?  Or will it be a total meltdown?  Will he throw something, break something, scream and curse at me?  Will I get to the point where I just want to run away and never come back?

This might make me sound like a terrible mother, but there are days when I just don't want to be a Mom.  I just want to be Jeanette.  I want to do what I want to do, go where I want to go, be what I want to be.  Does that really make me a bad mother?  I don't know, but it's the best I can do some days.  Besides, I'm still here, right?  I can't be that bad.

There are other days, though.  Days when he remembers things that I had long forgotten, times we've spent together that were true happiness.  Or he tells a joke that has me shaking and crying with laughter instead of anger.  There are days when a simple "I love you, Mom" is all I need to make my day.

So, I'll tell you what it's like to be the mother of a special needs child.  It's like being on a roller coaster ride.  Sometimes you're speeding uphill, sometimes you're speeding downhill, and sometimes you're coasting along on level tracks.

I hope you decide to give art journaling a try.  It's very freeing and quite therapeutic.  And let's not forget how much fun it is to play with art supplies.